Stupid Reasons to Not Buy the New iPad

With every Apple announcement comes new complaints that Apple is intentionally holding back their products so that they can bring old technology in as new features and make millions. Then people start saying ‘I’m not going to buy it because it doesn’t have purple unicorns!’

Here are the Purple Unicorns of today’s announcement:

I won’t buy the iPad if it doesn’t have a quad-core A6 processor

Why on earth do you care if it has a quad-core processor? This is the same garbage people spewed about the iPhone 4S not having any more RAM than the iPhone 4. Who cares about the spec numbers? Does it run smooth? Are you waiting for apps to open? Do games look awesome?

Think about what actually matters – usability. A quad-core processor is not something that matters. And I promise, you won’t notice the difference between an A5X and an A6 processor unless you’re developing Infinity Blade: Dungeons.

You want a tablet that has a quad-core processor? Look at Android, and good riddance. Have fun with your non-retina tablet with crappy app support that will only get software updates for 6 months.

I won’t buy the iPad if it doesn’t have 1GB of RAM

Again, who cares about the numbers? Do all of the apps you have run fast and smooth? Yeah? Then why do you need more RAM?

So you can say that you have 1GB of RAM? Stop it.

I won’t buy the iPad if it doesn’t have an 8+ megapixel camera

Do you really pull out your 10″ iPad to snap a photo at the museum or in the park? Stop it. You look dumb. Do you have an iPhone 4 or 4S? Use that. If your iPad is your primary photography device, your photos don’t deserve to look very good anyway.

I won’t buy the iPad if it has the same design as the iPad 2

What would you improve about the iPad 2 design? You can’t make it a lot thinner or it’ll snap in half and have 1 hour of battery life. You can’t make it smaller, because 7″ tablets are weird. Do you want colors like the old iMacs or iPod Nanos? Buy a case and get over it. Or, you could buy one of the tablets that needs to be redesigned every 3 months because the first design was unusable.

You’re a jerk Apple Fanboi!

I just like my stuff to look good and work well without a bunch of hassle. That leads me to buy a lot of Apple stuff. If it runs my apps, I couldn’t care less what processor it has, how much ram it uses, or how good of a camera it has.

If you agree or disagree with me, tell me all about it in the comments. Or get after me on Twitter (@calebhicks) anytime.

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  • Bruce

    iPads are stupid

    • Jermaine

      They totally are!!!!!! I agree with you Bruce, godspeed